Monday, February 22, 2010

I guess I owe y'all a post.....

Well it's been close to 6 months since I've touched this blog. These months have been filled with questions, tears, healing, forgiveness, answers, restoration, and the beginning of moving forward.

When I first returned, I wanted so badly just to get back in to the groove of the "normal" life I had before I ever crossed the ocean....I got re-acquainted with my family, friends, and church home. I had three weeks with my parents, who came up for a visit (they had planned on spending half their time here, and half their time in Romania visiting me). I got a job with the same company I worked for in college. I bought a car and totaled it 6 weeks later. I bought another car. I took a class to move towards getting my alternative certification to teach. I took my certification exams, and passed them. I was in my old roommate's wedding. I spent Christmas with my brother, sister-in-law and precious niece. I spent New Year's Eve with my class from church. I started making new friends. I made a goal to run a 1/2 marathon this upcoming December.

On the outside, it would seem that I've gotten it all back together, and that's what I want people to think. But the reality is that, even though my life is almost back to normal, I still have questions. I still struggle to forgive. Some days, I still feel broken.

I know that some of my questions will never be answered. I understand that every day I have to choose to forgive. I am confident that God is healing my heart and putting me back together.

God has been gracious to give me people who are willing to listen. I have been able to talk through and process several times, and with each time has come new understanding, and a step closer to whatever it is He's taking me towards.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm content. I will always live with questions and He will continue to heal me. But the other day I realized that I'm at a place where I haven't been in a long time. I'm at a place of contentment, knowing that I can't change all of my circumstances, but God is working through them, and it feels so good. He is restoring me. I will never be the same person I was before I went, but I'm ok with that.

2 comments:

Amanda said...

I love you, Ang. Can't wait to see you this weekend.

Janelle and Ella said...

Angie, thank you for being so transparent and sharing this with your blogging world. I'm so glad I know how to pray for you. You've been on my heart lately. If you ever want to talk, I can be a good listening ear. :-)